MITCHY
Cora, we need to get out of here.
CORA
We’re doing this show.
(To the zombies:)
I know you’re all zombies, but I want you to focus. This is important to me.
(Beat.)
Mitchy, I really need your help.
MITCHY
But we can’t—I can’t…
CORA
Romeo would never abandon Juliet
MITCHY
(Beat.)
I won’t let you down.
CORA
Thank you.
(The zombies advance on them slowly as Sign Guy holds up a sign that says “Prologue.”)
Who’s going to do the prologue? We can’t do the play without the prologue.
MITCHY
(Beat.)
Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands—
(Mitchy has no choice but to take out Emilia with his bat.)
—unclean.
CORA
Whatever you do, don’t kill our sponsor.
(The lights wink as Sign Guy pulls out an “Act I” sign. Pointing at Mitchy:)
What’s he that follows there, that would not dance?
(Zombie Homeless Woman moans at Cora.)
Go ask his name: if he be married
My grave is like to be my wedding bed.
(Beat.)
His name is Romeo, and a Montague?
The only son of our great enemy?
(Cora narrowly escapes the Zombie Homeless Woman’s lurch toward her, and she rushes across the stage toward Mitchy.)
I changed my mind.
MITCHY
But a minute ago—
CORA
That was a minute ago.
MITCHY
This is your dream. Well, maybe not the zombie part.
CORA
No—you wanna know my dream? The dream I have every night?
(Beat.)
I’m on stage at the Cora Awards, and everyone in the theatre world is there. And as they put the statue in my hands, this beautiful Cora, and people are pushing out of their seats and about to leap to their feet to cheer for me, someone yells out from the back, “That statue you’re holding. It’s not a Cora.”
And everything just sticks. It’s silent, and everyone is frozen not sitting but not standing.
I tell them no, it’s a Cora—it’s always been a Cora. But people start to laugh—first just a few, then more and more until everyone is laughing—even the presenters are on their knees laughing—and I run offstage, but offstage is gone, and I come back and the audience is leaving and they’re taking away my Cora and I’m left sitting on the ground in jeans and a ratty t-shirt holding a sign that says, “Will act for food.”
(Beat.)
We should run.
MITCHY
No. You are an amazing actress, and you’ve worked way too hard to let a pack of zombies eat your brains and keep you from that standing O.
CORA
You really believe in me?
MITCHY
It’s the balcony scene. This is your moment
.
(Sign Guy flips the sign to “Act II.” Cora “climbs” into her balcony, with Mitchy “down below.”
Unfortunately, the zombies are close to overwhelming them. Mitchy pulls a bag from out of his costume.)
Brains! Come and get ‘em!
(He tosses the sack offstage. The zombies change course, leaving the stage somewhat deserted.)
CORA
You’re like turning into a hero.
MITCHY
We should do the scene. It was a big brain, but there’s a lot of zombies.
CORA
Thank you, Mitchy.
MITCHY
Thank Wanda.
(Cora doesn’t quite get that one, but she shrugs it off.)
But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
CORA
Ay me!
MITCHY
She speaks:
O, speak again, bright angel!
CORA
O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.
‘Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What’s Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
(Zombie Homeless Woman, Pessie, Chad and other zombies drift back on stage, lurching toward them. Mitchy gestures for Cora to hurry.)
MITCHY
My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself.
CORA
If any of my kinsmen find thee here.
(Mitchy takes out Pessie with his bat…)
If they do see thee, they will murder thee.
(Sign Guy flips the sign to “Act III” as Chad lurches toward Mitchy.)
MITCHY
Now, Tybalt, take the villain back again,
That late thou gavest me; for Mercutio’s soul
Is but a little way above our heads,
Staying for thine to keep him company:
Either thou, or I, or both, must go with him.
(Beat. To Chad:)
Did you mean to say:
“Thou, wretched boy, that didst consort him here,
Shalt with him hence”?
(Mitchy clubs Chad with his bat, taking him out. Mitchy grabs Cora’s hand.)
You inspire me, but we really need to go.
CORA
But the death scene—
(At this point, the remaining zombies—Zombie Homeless Woman, box office people, techies, audience members, etc.—should be heading for Mitchy and Cora.)
MITCHY
If we don’t hurry, we’re going to be the death scene.
CORA
You were the one who told me I could do this. Now I’m telling you we can do this.
(Beat.)
I really want to play this scene with you, Mitchy Almost.