CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
So tell me about your experience.
APPLICANT TEEN
Well, I worked at Cream ‘n Stuff for like a year.
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
That’s…
APPLICANT TEEN
Ice cream. And stuff.
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
Stuff like…?
APPLICANT TEEN
We “stuff” your ice cream with anything you want. Chocolate chips, marshmallows, nuts…more ice cream…
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
Ah. I get it.
(Beat.)
But you left.
APPLICANT TEEN
My parents—and me—I—we believe that school comes first. After the summer, I left
(As if trying to remember something that’s been memorized:)
to focus on my academics. But now that we’re past new year’s and I’ve got school under control, I feel like I’m ready for a job. Baby needs a new pair of shoes, right?
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
Baby what?
APPLICANT TEEN
Sorry. Just makin’ a joke.
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
Don’t make jokes.
APPLICANT TEEN
Sorry.
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
(Beat.)
So why Cup ‘a Joe?
APPLICANT TEEN
‘Cause after you eat some ice cream, what’s better than coffee?
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
Didn’t I just say no jokes? Otherwise I’m just gonna leave.
APPLICANT TEEN
No—sorry.
(Beat.)
I feel like I can take the same skills I learned at Cream ‘n Stuff and use them for this job. Customer service skills, I mean. Not the ice cream scooping.
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
(Making notes on the clipboard:)
Great.
APPLICANT TEEN
Are you really writing notes?
(Beat.)
Sorry.
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
So tell me about Facebook [or the social media network of the moment].
APPLICANT TEEN
What?
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
The Facebook photo. Or was it Instagram?
(Checking something on the clipboard:)
I think it was both.
APPLICANT TEEN
What are you talking about?
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
Anytime somebody applies for a job, we check all their profiles.
APPLICANT TEEN
(Beat.)
I got hacked.
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
It’s your photo.
APPLICANT TEEN
Yeah, but nobody was supposed to post it.
(Breaking “character”:)
What are you doing?
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
That’s not the kind of conduct we expect from an employee of Cup ‘o Joe.
APPLICANT TEEN
Stop for a second.
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
We can’t hire someone who—
APPLICANT TEEN
Stop!
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
(Beat.)
They’re gonna check.
APPLICANT TEEN
I took it down.
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
It might still be archived.
APPLICANT TEEN
You’re supposed to be helping me, not…this.
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
I am helping.
APPLICANT TEEN
(Beat.)
What am I supposed to do?
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
Hope nobody finds it. And don’t let anybody take any more pictures of you doin’ dumb stuff.
APPLICANT TEEN
Or not do the dumb stuff in the first place.
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
Now you’re thinkin’.
APPLICANT TEEN
Now I’m boring. Pretty soon I’ll be my parents.
CLIPBOARD-CARRYING TEEN
Least they have jobs.
APPLICANT TEEN
Truth.