SIMON
The White Stripes.
HALE
White Lion.
SIMON
Great White.
HALE
James Brown.
SIMON
That’s not a band.
HALE
It still counts.
SIMON
We said bands.
HALE
I meant musical acts.
SIMON
Fine. Whitesnake.
HALE
Black Sabbath. Band—happy?
SIMON
I am Iron Man.
(Hale and Simon play air guitar and vocalize the opening notes of “Iron Man” by Black Sabbath.)
I’m tired.
HALE
Do you want to go to sleep? It’s four.
SIMON
No—let’s keep going.
HALE
OK.
SIMON
Uh…Barry White.
HALE
Who’s that?
SIMON
The love song guy.
HALE
K. Blue Oyster Cult.
SIMON
Nice. Deep Purple.
HALE
King Crimson.
SIMON
Pink Floyd.
(Beat.)
How come everything we come up with is so old?
HALE
White Stripes aren’t old.
SIMON
That’s the only one.
HALE
I don’t know. Old souls.
SIMON
What’s that?
HALE
My Mom says that. You’re an old soul, Hale.
SIMON
What’s it mean?
HALE
No clue. I think ‘cause I’m named for some guy from the Revolutionary War.
SIMON
She thinks he’s like…in your body or something?
HALE
(Makes ghost noises:)
Ooh wee oo…
(Beat.)
You wanna keep going?
SIMON
I can’t think of anymore.
HALE
Was Purple Haze a song or a band?
SIMON
Dunno. But I can’t think of any more colors in—
HALE
Simply Red!
SIMON
Stop—it’s my turn!
HALE
I thought you couldn’t think of—
SIMON
So? It’s still my turn.
HALE
You want to try a different one?
SIMON
Like?
HALE
I dunno. Vegetables?
SIMON
Vegetables?
HALE
Or whatever.
SIMON
Vegetables are stupid.
HALE
It was just an idea. We can do whatever.
SIMON
Whatever is good. Just keep talking.
HALE
About…?
SIMON
I just need the noise.
HALE
OK. Noise. Things I can say that’ll make noise.
SIMON
(Beat.)
Every time I shut my eyes, every time it’s quiet, the movie starts playing.
HALE
What about cars?
SIMON
And I keep trying to cover my head—
HALE
Or sports teams.
SIMON
And I’m trying to block it with my hands and with the pillow and then with this mini-refrigerator—you know like the kind people get in college—and then with the Barbie Dreamhouse my sister had when she was seven—before he broke it.
HALE
I didn’t know he broke her Barbie Dreamhouse.
SIMON
But no matter what I put in the way—
HALE
(Continuing with the Dreamhouse:)
That’s just cold.
SIMON
—he always gets through, and the whole time, the soundtrack keeps getting louder and louder, this sound of screaming and thwacking and breaking…
HALE
It’s OK now. It’s done.
SIMON
Is it?
HALE
You’re here, right?
(Beat.)
What do you want to play?
SIMON
Vegetables is good.
HALE
You sure?
SIMON
Here is good.
(Beat.)
Carrot.
HALE
Asparagus.
SIMON
(As the lights dim:)
Spinach.
HALE
Tomato.
SIMON
Tomato’s a fruit.
HALE
Seriously?
(Beat.)
I got it—soybeans.