SIMON
I can’t stay. I want to, ‘cause this would be so perfect—like there’s perfect and then there’s this—but I don’t know what my mom would do if I left. And Susie.
(Beat.)
I’d be like king douche of the year.
HALE
He was king douche of the year.
SIMON
Technically, he was king douche of last year.
HALE
More like king douche of the century.
SIMON
Truth.
(Long pause.)
HALE
Summer’s just a couple months away.
SIMON
Yeah, but you’re doin’ that big trip to Canada, and my mom’s like let’s go to Florida.
HALE
Florida in summer.
SIMON
Camping in Florida in summer.
HALE
Aren’t there like mosquitos and gators and—
SIMON
It’s a campground, not a swamp.
HALE
So?
SIMON
Wanna send us some money so we can stay at a hotel?
HALE
Sorry.
SIMON
Anyway, then you’ve got soccer—
HALE
That’s just a week.
SIMON
Yeah, but you see my point? It’s like one week here, two weeks there and pretty soon it’s like the whole summer is gone.
HALE
You like too much.
SIMON
Shut up.
(Beat.)
See? Who’s gonna tell me that if you don’t?
HALE
We’re still gonna talk. There is technology.
SIMON
I know. But it’s not like we can just go bowling.
HALE
Bowling.
SIMON
Yeah.
HALE
Bowling?
SIMON
Why not?
HALE
When did we ever go bowling?
SIMON
We could.
HALE
Do you even like bowling?
SIMON
Never tried.
HALE
Then how do you know you’d like it?
SIMON
I don’t care if it’s bowling or not.
HALE
Is there even a bowling alley? Wait—what?
SIMON
What?
HALE
Did you just say you don’t care if it’s bowling?
(Beat. Simon shrugs.)
It’s four. After four. We should go to sleep.
SIMON
But then it’ll be morning.
HALE
Unless there’s an apocalypse, yeah.
SIMON
I’ll have to go.
HALE
You’ll be back.
SIMON
You remember we used to name the bands with colors in their names?
HALE
Yeah. You didn’t want to let me use James Brown.
SIMON
We did say bands.
HALE
We said musical acts. Are we gonna fight over this again?
SIMON
I’m not fighting.
HALE
You want to name musical acts again?
SIMON
Not really.
HALE
Bands?
(Simon shakes his head.)
HALE
So you don’t want to name bands and you don’t want to bowl—
SIMON
I didn’t say I don’t want to bowl.
HALE
So you do.
SIMON
We could skydive for all I care.
HALE
I’m not skydiving.
SIMON
I don’t care what we do.
HALE
How ‘bout sleeping then?
SIMON
This is our last few hours.
HALE
Not for ever.
SIMON
But what if it is?
HALE
(Beat.)
Let’s just stay up.