Pursued by a Bear

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Pursued by a Bear is published by YouthPLAYS. Click here to purchase a copy.

(Warning: Using this monologue without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way)

BAILEY

(Beat.)

The thing is, the track team was terrible. The school was only two years old, but in those two years, they hadn’t won a single meet. That’s 32 losses in a row. They even lost to a middle school. Sure, they said it was an exhibition and that it didn’t count, but a seventh grader lapped their best runner in the mile. It took Coach Thurman a minute to come around to the idea, but once he realized this might help him end the streak of shame, he was all in–and he said as much at the school board meeting, which is where it all ended up.

(Beat.)

So…I groom like there’s no tomorrow–took hours to go over every nook and crevice for parasites–and then I go to this meeting packed with more humans than I’ve ever seen. One by one, people go up to the microphone. One woman talks about how they destroyed my home: The least they can do is let me join track. Right on, sister. This guy in a bowtie says bears are more intelligent than dogs–true story–and that I’d be an asset in a communal activity like a team. And two of my hopefully soon-to-be-teammates tell us they were terrible at everything they’ve ever tried, but track finally gave them somewhere they felt they belonged. I’m not sure they thought that through, but they mean well.

(Beat.)

And then there are the sign people. They start with “safety,” which I get–but I’m probably more scared of you than you are of me–and then they move on to words like “fairness” and “slippery slope.” One of them’s like, “If you let a bear in today, does this mean an anaconda can join tomorrow? Or a velociraptor? Where does it end?” And then he gets all serious: “If you let a bear play, pretty soon we’ll have to let those transgenders on the team.” I don’t know what transgenders are, but they must be terrifying.

(Beat.)

In the end, it comes down to this: There’s no law that says bears can’t play sports. But there is a rule that says if you live in the district and you’re home-schooled, you’re allowed to participate in all district extracurriculars.

(Beat.)

And that’s all I want–to participate. Being part of a team teaches important life skills: teamwork–duh–but also sportsmanship, communication, time management, handling pressure, leadership and so much more.

(Bailey puts on a track team singlet or similar.)

BEAR
Go Bears! Seriously–you can’t make this stuff up.