JOHN
Your brother won’t want a rifle.
(Beat.)
You think there’s only one rifle around here? We’ve got a lot of good stuff.
(John picks up the pot from the right rear burner. He pulls out the gun and waves it at Johnny. He checks to make sure it’s still loaded before returning it to the pot and the pot to the stove.)
A lot of good stuff.
(Beat.)
Have we ever talked about the birds and the bees?
(Beat.)
The birds, those are the rifles. The bees are the handguns. Stay on their good side, and they’re our friends. But you cross a bird, you get pecked. Cross a bee, you get stung.
But treat them right, they’ll do right by you when you need ’em. Big birds, skinny little ones, tiny bees, juicy fat ones. We’ve got friends all over this house.
Know what happens if somebody tries to break in? The birds and the bees go to work on ’em.
He comes at me through the front door, I got a rifle that matches this one in the hall closet. Mommy and I are upstairs in bed, we keep pistols under our mattress.
Dinner time, no problem. Got a shotgun fastened under the kitchen table and of course our friend in the pot. The birds and the bees. Lots of good stuff for you and Jay.
(They finish cleaning the gun. John holds it up.)
Look at that. All bright and shiny.