Free Monologues - Art

From Me, My Selfie & I

A Teen Artist of either gender presents their art. Me, My Selfie and I will be published by YouthPLAYS after its premiere in Fall 2017.

(Warning: Using this monologue without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)


I call this “Godzilla eats Jane Simmons’ Face,” or when I get famous and the people who own the trademark for Godzilla come after me with their blood-sucking lawyers, it’ll become “Giant Dino-Lizard Bearing No Resemblance to a Certain Prehistoric Movie Franchise Monster that Fires Radioactive Beams from its Mouth Eats Jane Simmons’ Face.”
(Moving on:)
This one next to it is “Train Emerges from Cloud to Drive Through Liam Gardner’s Large Intestine.”
I’m also quite proud of my natural disaster series.
Alex Gonzalez and Chris Johnson, showing off their perfect tans, only seconds from suffocation in “Unmelting Avalanche of Snow Buries Jock Jerks on Beach.” Alliteration is always awesome--sometimes I slay myself.
And here we see the entire marching band about to be annihilated by a hundred-foot tsunami wave of hydrochloric acid. I call it “The Entire Marching Band About to be Annihilated by a Hundred-Foot Tsunami Wave of Hydrochloric Acid.”
And my personal favorite, that horror show of self-involvement, Helen Holly, about to be incinerated beyond all recognition by a lava flow picking her off from atop the cheer pyramid.
I’m also working on a Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse set and the complete Biblical plagues, though I’m worried there might be some overlap.
People think I’m disturbed. I’m like no, this is my art. This is me expressing myself so that I don’t become disturbed. So what if everyone in the selfie is inches from an incredibly gruesome death. That’s art doing what it does best. I have to witness your daily acts of complete narcissism and I’m surviving. So get over it.
(The Artist selfies in front of the images.)

Co-Chair of the Alliance of Los Angeles
, member of The Dramatists Guild of America, and life member of the Philadelphia Dramatists Center.

Final Draft Resident Playwriting Expert and author of

Resident Playwriting Expert of The Writers Store.

Recent News
World Premiere!!!
Me, My Selfie & I co-premiered at Lompoc High School (Lompoc, CA) and Westmont High School (Campbell, CA) at the end of September. This one-act with a flexible cast introduces us to a group of teens as they struggle to find the balance between documenting their lives and living them. 
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The Midnight Club is Now Published!
Read a sample of my latest play, the short comedy The Midnight Club, my teen monster-themed homage to the classic John Hughes 80s film. It's now published by Playscripts as part of a new collection, Scared Silly!
Playwriting Webinars!
Now available for purchase, two great webinars from yours truly! Each is nearly 90 minutes and packed with info (with a PowerPoint too!):
Playwriting 101:  Everything You Need to Know to Write a Play
Writing Plays for Young People: How to Write for the Biggest Market Nobody Knows About

Upcoming Productions
The Magic Hour
Viking Theatre (Rock Hill, SC), February 2018
Dear Chuck (one-act version)
White Knoll High School (Lexington, SC), February 2018
4 A.M.
Thurso Players (Caithness, United Kingdom), February 2018
Dear Chuck
Hardee High School (Wauchula, FL), March 2018
Me, My Selfie & I
The Young Creatives (Portsmouth, Hampshire, United Kingdom), March 2018
Me, My Selfie & I
Berkhamsted School (Berkhamsted, Hertfordshire, United Kingdom), March 2018
High School (non) Musical
Montrose Area School District (Montrose, PA), March 2018
Dear Chuck (one-act version)
Fremont High School (Plain City, UT), March 2018
Thank You for Flushing My Head in the Toilet and other rarely used expressions
Del Valle High School (Del Valle, TX), April 2018
Dear Chuck (one-act version)
H. Hardcastle School (Edam, SK, Canada), April 2018
From Shakespeare with Love?
Bad Theatre Co. (Asuncion, Paraguay), May 2018
Me, My Selfie & I
Woldingham School (Woldingham, Surrey, United Kingdom), May 2018
Pepperoni Apocalypse
St. Helen Catholic School (Georgetown, TX), May 2018
High School (non) Musical
Coakley Middle School Drama Club (Norwood, MA), June 2018
After Math
Pope John Paul II High School (Hendersonville, TN), November 2018
Stay tuned...: I've got multiple play ideas I'm developing. See what appears first...
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