Free Monologues - Beef Junkie

From Beef Junkies

This is the shorter, cleaner version of the monologue inspired by Beef Junkies, though it is not actually part of the play.

(Warning: Using this monologue without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)


I think Bloomingdale's should consider installing an electronic fence around their store. A woman was standing by the doorway eating a meatball sandwich. An electronic fence would have kept her away from the doorway. And she knew. She looked at me, and she knew right away. An electronic fence would have at least backed her off. But there's no fence—so she pulls a meatball out of her sandwich—not even out of her sandwich—she rips half a meatball out of her teeth. Do I look that sick? Do I look like somebody so desperate that I'd eat half a meatball after it's exploded on the ground? There should be a fence. Because I should not have to get down on my hands and knees and compete with a dog for half a meatball.

I'm an addict. I know that. I've been to therapy. I've seen pictures of my intestines with five year old beef still hanging around inside them, I've seen pictures of hideous-looking people who are supposed to be me in thirty years if I don't stop.

But today—today is different. Just after lunch, a giant hamburger appeared to me in front of a McDonald's. Plain, but in a sesame bun that kept opening and closing, winking at me. I tried to reach out and touch it, but it disappeared. It was back a minute later, and this time it looked really angry, dripping blood red ketchup. Had I eaten its brothers and sisters? Was it here for revenge? Or was it my one last chance? I've been clean now for three hours. I've discovered portobello mushrooms. I bought a book about breeding cows. I want to give back. I have a syringe filled with pureed lamb in case I hit a rough patch. Tonight, I'm going to a support group. I run even from regular-sized buns. I want to be well. I really, really do.

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, member of The Dramatists Guild of America, and life member of the Philadelphia Dramatists Center.

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World Premiere!!!
Me, My Selfie & I co-premiered at Lompoc High School (Lompoc, CA) and Westmont High School (Campbell, CA) at the end of September. This one-act with a flexible cast introduces us to a group of teens as they struggle to find the balance between documenting their lives and living them. 
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Upcoming Productions
The Magic Hour
Viking Theatre (Rock Hill, SC), February 2018
Dear Chuck (one-act version)
White Knoll High School (Lexington, SC), February 2018
4 A.M.
Thurso Players (Caithness, United Kingdom), February 2018
Dear Chuck
Hardee High School (Wauchula, FL), March 2018
Me, My Selfie & I
The Young Creatives (Portsmouth, Hampshire, United Kingdom), March 2018
Me, My Selfie & I
Berkhamsted School (Berkhamsted, Hertfordshire, United Kingdom), March 2018
High School (non) Musical
Montrose Area School District (Montrose, PA), March 2018
Dear Chuck (one-act version)
Fremont High School (Plain City, UT), March 2018
Thank You for Flushing My Head in the Toilet and other rarely used expressions
Del Valle High School (Del Valle, TX), April 2018
Dear Chuck (one-act version)
H. Hardcastle School (Edam, SK, Canada), April 2018
From Shakespeare with Love?
Bad Theatre Co. (Asuncion, Paraguay), May 2018
Me, My Selfie & I
Woldingham School (Woldingham, Surrey, United Kingdom), May 2018
Pepperoni Apocalypse
St. Helen Catholic School (Georgetown, TX), May 2018
High School (non) Musical
Coakley Middle School Drama Club (Norwood, MA), June 2018
After Math
Pope John Paul II High School (Hendersonville, TN), November 2018
Stay tuned...: I've got multiple play ideas I'm developing. See what appears first...
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