Free Monologues - Candy

From Shining Sea

Candy, mid-thirties or older, from Shining Sea. Candy is a squeegee man living in New York City, but the New York in which he lives is one in which there are now two rival Mayors, and the city is falling into chaos and civil war. He talks to Violet and Pac, his “family,” a thirtysomething woman and a young man just out of his teens, respectively. Note that "mess with" may be substituted for "fuck up" at the end of the piece.

(Warning: Using this monologue without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)


When I was little, my Pops would make me go to bed at eight—we’re talkin’ when I was six, maybe seven—and as soon as I’d turn out the lights, he’d start mowin’ the lawn. Crank up the floodlights and cart out the oldest working lawnmower in the history of the world. Needed a paint job, needed an oiling, needed a muffler in the worst way. Three times a week, eight o’clock: mow the lawn. Neighbors didn’t mind too much in the summer—half of them were at the shore—but every other time of the year it was World War III. I’d stay up half the night, couldn’t get the damn lawnmower sound outta’ my head. Or I’d stay up listening to the people: them complaining at him, him screaming at them, them calling the cops, him screaming at the cops, the cops haulin’ him off to cool down. Even on the nights he didn’t mow, I’d still stay up, waiting for the sound—
(There's the POP SOUND of GUNFIRE, not so far away.)
And then I start to sleep through it. I sleep through the mowing and the screaming and the sirens. Regular little log. Wake up from yet another good night’s sleep at the age of nine to find my Mom crying louder than a tribe of monkeys and my Pops a former person. I use both hands to pull the knife out of his chest, then go back upstairs to squeeze in another hour. By the time I wake up, my Mom is gone and the cops are there, and I’m sleepin’ like the dead for the next thirty years.
This pop pop pop’s starting to fuck up my sleep again.
Co-Chair of the Alliance of Los Angeles
, member of The Dramatists Guild of America, and life member of the Philadelphia Dramatists Center.

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Upcoming Productions
High School (non) Musical
Nevada Theatre Department (Nevada, MO), January 2018
The Magic Hour
North Branch High School (North Branch, MI), January 2018
Me, My Selfie & I
Pembina Trails School Division (Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada), January 2018
Dear Chuck (one-act version)
Trinity Episcopal (Austin, TX), January 2018
4 A.M.
Redwood Valley High School (Redwood Falls, MN), January 2018
Me, My Selfie & I
Berkhamsted School (Berkhamsted, Hertfordshire, United Kingdom), January 2018
After Math
Palmer Ridge High School (Colorado Springs, CO), February 2018
4 A.M.
Tigard High School (Tigard, OR), February 2018
The Magic Hour
Viking Theatre (Rock Hill, SC), February 2018
4 A.M.
Thurso Players (Caithness, United Kingdom), February 2018
High School (non) Musical
Montrose Area School District (Montrose, PA), March 2018
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Del Valle High School (Del Valle, TX), April 2018
High School (non) Musical
Coakley Middle School Drama Club (Norwood, MA), June 2018
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Pope John Paul II High School (Hendersonville, TN), November 2018
Great Expectations, or What I Did On My Summer Vacation: Next up, a ten-minute parody of Great Expectations to be part of YouthPLAYS' upcoming Lit on Fire anthology of high school reading list parodies.
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