Free Monologues - Artful Dodger

From Run Like the Dickens


Artful Dodger is late teens, fallen on hard times. He's missing a toe on either foot and wears a plastic bag on either foot. He's got a cough he can't rid of. He's just made an inept attempt to kill Oliver Twist in a misguided attempt to help him achieve "martyr" status and talks to Oliver. In the play, the Artful Dodger is male, but for audition/classroom purposes, this monologue could be played by an actor of either gender.  Run Like the Dickens (aka Tiny Tim Runs the Marathon) is published by Playscripts.  Click here to order a copy.

(Warning: Using this monologue without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)

ARTFUL DODGER

I says to myself, Dodger, what Oliver needs to lift his spirits is a picnic with a view. So I go and get me this frying pan, only I see it’s dented, so I think, how do you fix a dented frying pan? With a bat to bang it back into place. And if that don’t work, get yourself a hammer and a wrench and...I can’t do this. I can’t lie anymore.
(beat)
It’s the only way, they said. Tiny Tim’s got him beat and he’s closin’ in for the kill. But you take Oliver martyr, and Twist goes out on top and stays there, ‘cause martyr’s at the top of the pecking line, and don’t matter how inspirational Tiny Tim gets, he can’t touch you.
(He has a coughing fit.)
I just wanted to see you get what you deserve, but I ain’t no good at anything. I’m lower than dirt. Lower than a cockroach. Lower than--something really, really low.
(beat)
Now you’re finished, and it’s all my fault.

 
Co-Chair of the Alliance of Los Angeles
Playwrights
, member of The Dramatists Guild of America, and life member of the Philadelphia Dramatists Center.

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World Premiere!!!
Me, My Selfie & I co-premiered at Lompoc High School (Lompoc, CA) and Westmont High School (Campbell, CA) at the end of September. This one-act with a flexible cast introduces us to a group of teens as they struggle to find the balance between documenting their lives and living them. 
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Upcoming Productions
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Robert Morgan Senior High (Miami, FL), October 2017
 
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Buckingham High School (Buckingham, VA), October 2017
 
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Munford Middle School (Munford, AL), November 2017
 
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KVCS Winslow Public School (Waterville, ME), November 2017
 
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Nadia's Performance Studio (Wetherill Park, NSW, Australia), December 2017
 
After Math
Philip Barbour High School (Philippi, WV), December 2017
 
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Hillard City School District (Columbus, OH), January 2018
 
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Hillard City School District (Columbus, OH), January 2018
 
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Trinity Episcopal (Austin, TX), January 2018
 
 
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