Free Monologues - Christian

From Last Right Before the Void

Christian, about 17 years old, hitchhiking on a deserted away, talks to a woman who hitchhikes on the other side of the road. She carries a sign that says "Alaska."

(Warning: Using this monologue without permission is illegal, as is reproducing it on a website or in print in any way.)


Do I look like I killed my father and slept with my mother?
Do I?
I thought you might want to know. I’m hitchhiking because my car broke down. That’s a lie. It broke down, but it’s not my car. It’s my father’s car. Pieces of it broke off when I ran over my father in front of our house. That’s a lie. He’s not my real father. My real father killed himself when I was two. Or four. My Mom tells it both ways. When I was two, he took me to a baseball game, then left me with a hot dog vendor and hung himself in a bathroom. When I was four, I was asleep and he stuck a shotgun in his mouth and woke me up from a dream about a sea horse.
(Christian crosses the road to the Woman.)
He also killed himself when I was six by jumping into a pool of concrete at a construction site or by suffocating himself in a plastic bag. I was at my grandparents’ for the weekend.
Do you really think someone’s going to drive you from Minnesota to Alaska?
I go to community college. I wish I could live at school. I don’t think I’d have so many problems at home if I lived at school. That’s a lie. I dropped out, because I got fired from my job at the mall. I handed out flyers for a seafood restaurant—-Joe’s Seafood-—until I got fired. And I was in this Calvin Klein underwear ad when I was twelve. With my shirt off. That’s a lie. It wasn’t Calvin Klein, and I was sixteen. I’m nineteen now.
I walked through an accident up the road. It’s a big one. You’ll see it if you go that way.

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Upcoming Productions
High School (non) Musical
Nevada Theatre Department (Nevada, MO), January 2018
The Magic Hour
North Branch High School (North Branch, MI), January 2018
Me, My Selfie & I
Pembina Trails School Division (Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada), January 2018
Dear Chuck (one-act version)
Trinity Episcopal (Austin, TX), January 2018
4 A.M.
Redwood Valley High School (Redwood Falls, MN), January 2018
Me, My Selfie & I
Berkhamsted School (Berkhamsted, Hertfordshire, United Kingdom), January 2018
After Math
Palmer Ridge High School (Colorado Springs, CO), February 2018
4 A.M.
Tigard High School (Tigard, OR), February 2018
The Magic Hour
Viking Theatre (Rock Hill, SC), February 2018
4 A.M.
Thurso Players (Caithness, United Kingdom), February 2018
High School (non) Musical
Montrose Area School District (Montrose, PA), March 2018
Thank You for Flushing My Head in the Toilet and other rarely used expressions
Del Valle High School (Del Valle, TX), April 2018
From Shakespeare with Love?
Bad Theatre Co. (Asuncion, Paraguay), May 2018
High School (non) Musical
Coakley Middle School Drama Club (Norwood, MA), June 2018
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Pope John Paul II High School (Hendersonville, TN), November 2018
Great Expectations, or What I Did On My Summer Vacation: Next up, a ten-minute parody of Great Expectations to be part of YouthPLAYS' upcoming Lit on Fire anthology of high school reading list parodies.
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